Updated: Jan 31, 2019
I am a big believer that who you are what you will become and your results in the 3- 5 years are a reflection of what information you put in and who spend your time on.
Who, what, and where do you spend your best time?
As far as for me, my language of love is quality time. In recent years, I have had to learn about who deserves my time the most in a specific season, and where do they hold the most value of my life.
In accounting , there are assets and liabilities. In life we have people who are assets , people who are liabilities, and sometimes we have trouble distinguishing between the two.
Have you ever found yourself dealing with people who land themselves in the gray area of your life?
There are two ways to make a determination, either contributor or validator. In rare cases some people can be both. You can determine who is who by their consistent patterns in their actions and responses to the areas of your life.
Janet Jackson had it right when she asked. ”What have you done for me lately ?"
Contributor: A contributor is a person who can either donate money, actively uncovers solutions, is generous with time, and acts as a connector to the things that matter to you most. They simply are individuals who are catalyst to the victories in your life.
Example 1: You lose your job, a contributor will listen for a few minutes , listen to your side then ask what you need, what you are looking for, and follow-up with some contacts, a list of new gigs, a few ideas and strategies.
Example 2: You tell someone “My car is having some trouble not sure if I can drive right now, it may need to be fixed.” A contributor, will ask whats wrong, offer you a ride, refer you to someone they know to help you get it fixed, and contact the person they know so you can get great service.
Validator: A derivative of the experience of validation to a role a person now plays in one's life. It is not in the dictionary, but these people exist. A validator guarantees the recognition or affirmation that a person or their feelings or opinions are valid or worthwhile. This person validates, confirms, and affirms ,that is it.
Example 1: You lose your job, a validator will listen, and then contribute to the vent session to further validate your feelings and add extra energy into helping you feel worse or angry.
Example 2: You tell someone “my car is having some trouble not sure if I can drive right now it may need to be fixed.” A validator will ask whats wrong, and then tell you how their car is messing up too.
We all need both validation and contribution. They should work together, and works best if you have less people to deal with in your life. Imagine your time talent and treasure invested in a person who provides validation and contribution.
Your strategy is to have effective results within your life, this is possible by deciding through answering these questions.
How many contributors vs. validators are around you?
How do they contribute in positive way to your mission, new endeavors, and decision making?
Is your need for validation causing you to give non contributing individuals your quality time?
For the best outcomes to your best time and energy, I recommend having more contributors than validators within your inner circle. ( The people in this profile will need to be 70% contributor, 30% Validator.)
Trust me, not everyone will make the cut.
Now, you are able to make some clear decisions. Decide how you will move forward with your list, and where do these individuals sit on your bus. Today, decide who is getting off the bus, who is staying on the bus, and what is their role in your life. Lastly, allow your decision making to be made purely on where they fall the categories. Either, contributor or validator. Remember contributors typically provide you with some type of validation. Often we make a poor determination by allowing the the person hold a seat on our bus because they are family, or according to the length of the relationship etc. This allows non effective people sit in the wrong seat of our bus or even be on the bus. Understand with some people, it is what it is. Decided how to move forward with or without them utilizing your best time and energy.
Here comes the hard part, how to effectively communicate or move forward with those who often do absolutely nothing but validate you.
1 .Create a courteous environment to hold this crucial conversation.
2. Ask them, how do they see the relationship?
3. Ask them, how do they see your contribution to the relationship? Why do they see it as a value?
4. Listen, and see if your current category for them is still valid.
5. Communicate how you see them, and the value you add to their life.
6. Decide if it matters to request change, and communicate expectations from the person you are speaking with.
7. Let them know how things will go moving forward.
2.Accept it for what it is.
3.Never give them anymore of your best time
4. Stop giving anytime at all, just remain on speaking terms.
Have Faith -BeFocused- Stay Fly